All right, I’ll fess up here: I didn’t watch the finale too closely. I was dealing with some car issues (as in, mine’s not working right and I was attempting to buy a new car / get the old one fixed last night). I spent the bulk of the show on the phone with my brother trying to figure out the best shop to take my old junker to so I wouldn’t get ripped off again.

So here’s what I know: the remaining three contestants, Shawn, Mike and Jim, were sent for makeovers. The hair stylist (aka the Flock of Seagulls guy who won’t return a phone call from the 1980s to give his haircut back – quip compliments of Shawn) cut the curly out of Mike‘s hair, making it spiky. By the time Mike got done touching it, though, it looked exactly like it had before. Except shorter. Jim’s hair, which they deemed as 1950s style, also looked exactly like it had before. Except shorter. And Shawn‘s hair also looked exactly like it had before. Except shorter.

I sense that this hair stylist perhaps only has one trick: making hair shorter.

Then there was the wardrobe stylist, who vastly improved Mike‘s shower-shoes-and-white-socks-paired-with-some-kind-of-crazy-stripe pants ensemble. You know, now that I’m thinking about it, I believe my boss has a pair of those pants, in the colors of the New York Giants. Weren’t they called Zubaz?

Anyway, the stylist put Mike into nice pants and a nice shirt, Jim into nice pants with a weird shirt (I preferred his newspaper-boy look, honestly), and Shawn – well, I think Shawn sums it up nicely on his own: “I shop at thrift stores.” Personally, I rather like the thrift store look, with the cut off shorts and the old graphic tees. But the black socks with black sneakers? Oh no, Shawn. Oh. No. I was relieved to see the stylist also seemed horrified, and dispensed with those immediately.

After the “makeovers,” the guys headed off to a new location: some fancy-schmancy hotel in LA. I missed about five minutes here to talk to my brother – apparently it was the five minutes during which Callie sent Jim packing. Donna assures me he handled it gracefully, opting not to freak out on her. He did lament his bad fortune in searching for a relationship to the camera though: “Unrequited love again for Jim!” I hung up the phone in time to see Jim hugging the other contestants.

And then there was another phone call, so I missed all of Mike’s one-on-one date with Callie. Yawn. Oh well.

And then there was Shawn‘s one-on-one date with Callie. He started it off by calling her out on the surprise she pulled in the last episode: bringing Mike back after letting Jim and Shawn think he was dismissed. Shawn was N.O.T. happy about that, and he let Callie know. So here’s the thing: I initially was like, “Dude, doesn’t Shawn watch reality tv? This always happens.” But really, Shawn‘s been approaching this as seriously as he would any new relationship, I imagine. He’s made it clear that he’s tired of being around a bunch of knuckleheads who he thinks (and so do I) are not right for Callie, and I think he treats the situation like any level-headed, reasonable adult would.

I confess, Donna and I are reality tv show junkies. We watch all the hideous shows, like Rock of Love. We often wonder how these people can be comfortable competing against a group of people for the affections of one individual. It would take a lot for me to put up with knowing that the one person I have feelings for is telling me today, “Yes, I like being with you, I feel ‘a connection,'” but tomorrow is saying the same thing to the stripper who shares my pink-zebra-stripe bedroom. Weird. And slightly icky. So I guess it’s really no surprise that there are other people like me who find it strange and uncomfortable – and finally, one of them made it through the screeners and actually got onto the tv show.

So anyway, back to the recap: After Shawn discussed his irritation, Callie explained herself, and they moved on. There was kissing. Lots of it. Blech. Watching other people kiss is very strange, and slightly disconcerting. I used to chastise Donna for saying that watching straight couples make out was gross, but I sort of felt that way last night. But, you know, good for Shawn and Callie.

And then there was another phone call, and I came back just in time for the final elimination. Callie, looking lovely in a pink dress (I love that girl’s dresses), looked nervous. She very carefully let Mike know that although she really cared about him, she didn’t think they should have a relationship. Mike looked absolutely stunned. Callie cried. Alec Mapa air-kissed her to make her feel better.

Next up: delivering the good news to Shawn. This time, Callie was sort of glowing a little bit, and her speech was a bit more light-hearted. Shawn also looked a bit stunned, and said, “Are you saying I won?” Callie smiled and said, “You won!” And then there was more kissing.

I’m so glad Callie picked Shawn. Of course I have no idea what’s happened in real life after the show, and I sort of feel like it’s rude to ask.

I’ll probably be posting some post-series thoughts in the next few days; stay tuned!

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